Pushing Past The FEAR

I am starting to feel like I am already behind in this homeschooling adventure and we haven’t even actually started school yet. Oye! When we last talked, I told you that Kaira was going to camp next week and we would start school the following week. Whelp, as things tend to do in all things life related- our plans have changed.

I mixed up the camp dates… Thank goodness I needed to call the camp, otherwise I would probably be telling you all about how we packed EVERYTHING up and drove up there only to find out I had messed up. Anyway… camp is the week that we had originally planned on starting school. So, we have decided to start on Monday (yes, as in two days hence time) and then have a break for camp and then get back to it after camp. A lot of you may be thinking that we should just wait until she gets back from camp and plunge in, but this way actually works for us, because we are able to ease into it without all the full on pressure… Or maybe we are just ready for school… At any rate, it is starting Monday.

Immediately after deciding we would start Monday, my body began to revolt… I have had no energy and I am functioning at the most basic of levels right now… (for those of you not in the know, I had a head/brain trauma a few years ago and some times, the side affects rear its ugly head and this just happens to be one of those times).

And the panic began to creep in. I looked around at my house. It is a DISASTER zone. I fretted that we would be starting in a mess and that would breed chaos in our learning environment. Thoughts of being a horrible educator for my child started to eat away at my confidence… I seriously started to wonder if I was up for this adventure.

Next, I received some information about something totally unrelated to homeschooling Kaira, but still had me jittery and in a state of unrest, because in my mind, this news had the potential to interfere with the homeschool adventure and therefore shut it down. I thought about whether now was a good time to homeschool or if perhaps we should get through the hurdles this news presented BEFORE we started this journey.

I was becoming sick with stress… which is not good for anybody at any time, but is especially not healthy if you are JUST starting out on what is supposed to be the adventure of the century.

Then, I agreed, as a new homeschool Blogger, to participate in a blogging event with other bloggers- which means on or before a specific date, I will need to write about a specific topic. This is not a big deal, really, because I was actually planning on writing about the given topic, anyway; I just wasn’t planning on writing about this particular topic so soon… The topic is “homeschool rooms”. I know previously, I showed you a picture of how we get down most days, but I really want to address this for people who have tiny spaces. (More on that in the future.) The problem right now? I shall refer you back to the first point in this list: MY HOUSE IS A DISASTER ZONE.

The  madness is going to drive me bonkers. Have I mentioned that we are also getting back into a more strict riding/farm regimen? There is a state competition in about 6 weeks that we both are doing a bit of stressing over, which I am sure is adding to this not fun mixture of fear, self-doubt and anxiousness.

All of this on top of what I am trying to do within my life. I seriously asked myself why I ‘agreed’ to this in the first place. And as my brain and body seeped further and further into rebellion, I became completely afraid that someone would notice me on a totally bad, horrible day and question my ability to educate Kaira at home and get all kinds of ‘men in suits’ involved and whisk my right and privilege to homeschool her away.

Thank God for a mid afternoon nap and a homeschool support group. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I happened upon a discussion in one of my homeschool support groups where everyone was addressing their ‘greatest homeschool fear’. While no one had my specific fear related to my brain injury, a few people (who suffer from other physical ailments) were concerned about not being able to meet the challenge of homeschooling, some were afraid of dying and having no one to carry the homeschool torch and yet, others still were afraid of big government taking away or interrupting our right to educate our children as we see fit within our homes.

Just knowing I was not the only homeschool parent with fears, began to make my concerns seem less than the impossible mountains I thought they were. And having people encourage you; tell you that you can do it or that in having fear and concerns it showed that you truly cared about your child and would give the best that they needed was a balm to my soul and helped me rest easy.

Having some rest under my belt, also helps me put things in perspective. I can do this. Kaira can do this. We can do this.

Kaira did not readily admit to having any fears or worries about homeschool. That is, until I opened up to her about my biggest fear and concern. She looked at me and said, “now mom, don’t get angry or anything, but I am afraid you are gonna get to teachery and start yelling if I don’t understand something right away.” Oh, the damage public school has done to my poor sweet girl.

In that moment, I am reassured that homeschooling is the absolute most right thing in the world for her and I. Thank God for giving us the things we need, when we need them and in ways we can understand and process them.

We would love to hear from you! Are you a homeschooler who has faced these same fears or others, we would love for you to tell us about them and how you overcame them. Are you considering homeschooling and fear has kept you just on the other side of the proverbial homeschool fence? Maybe you are in public school and having fears about public education- but with no desire to homeschool? We want to hear from you, too! Please leave us a comment, give us a like and a share! We would be totally blessed if you followed us, as well! (We’re trying to get new content up at the beginning and end of the week!)

Finally, Kaira wants you to know that when you leave a comment, she is the one responding 😉

See you next time!



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